I am no expert on our financial crisis.  As I have read newspapers and watched breaking news on television and the web, I have come to understand that this is a crisis of trust.  We have long allowed the Wall Street boys (as I worked for 7 years for one of the big investment firms, I can assure you they are mostly boys, no matter what their chronological ages) to create ever more exotic instruments, theoretically safe, but so esoteric that more than one reporter has characterized them as “not understandable by the people who were selling them.”  Wall Street has always bred a particularly virulent brand of greed.  This is nothing new.  And it is not new that they dig themselves into deep holes from which we, the country, are asked to extricate them.

What seems frightening now is that we are all in this hole with the greedy boys and don’t seem willing to pull ourselves out through this very imperfect bailout, due to vengeance and a rampant lack of trust.  The Republicans are blaming Democratic liberal policies, and Nancy Pelosi for her fiery speech about the necessity to get behind this bill, even if it did come from George Bush’s administration.  The Democrats are conveniently blaming well-meaning and conscientious Republicans for all of the policy of “their” president, one who now seems to enjoy no support at all from anyone, including his own party.  We the people have long distrusted politicians in general, but have voiced that distrust by not voting, a silent protest designed, I suppose, to condemn them all.  We need them now, and we need to support their hard decision-making.  They need each other to build the courage to move forward together.

If we are to get out of this thing alive, grandstanding has to stop, and distrust must be suspended.  I know what it feels like to be betrayed.  I know distrust in my bones.  I even sympathize with the Republican who said yesterday that he thought the bailout would pass, that everybody else would vote for it, so he could vote his constituency and vote no.  Paying the CEO of Goldman Sachs ONLY $500,000 annually during the period of recovery may seem like a slug in the nose to all of us who’ve never seen that much money in one year, but it may be the only way to get the greedy boys to come to the party, and the government to do its hard work to get us out of this.

Have we learned anything about trust and greed in this crisis?  I wouldn’t bet on reducing the greed motive .  I just wouldn’t.  There is too much testosterone alive and well in this world.  Too many opportunities for toy accumulation.  Witness the arrival of the yacht, the Maltese Falcon, in San Francisco harbor this week.  The yacht is owned by a Silicon Valley venture capitalist–maker of REAL money–according to a New York Times editorial on Sunday.  But this is still emblematic of greed and the imbalance of wealth in this country.

I hope, however, that trust can be restored in this crisis.  That our politicians can stop sniveling and finger pointing now and start working for resolution.  This isn’t easy after the last eight years.  Many of us feel we’ve suffered far too much already, Republicans and Democrats alike.  Perhaps we had to come to this crisis to see how destructive partisan politics actually is, and how distrust can kill an idea, a potential solution, and even a country.

This morning I spent a half hour or so in an increasingly familiar activity–talking to a help desk in India about a technology issue.  My help professional, Victor, “took over” my computer and commented on my desktop wallpaper–a stock photo of three 60ish aged women in bathing suits and the wonderful old poofy flowered bathing caps.  When Victor asked about the women, I said I was writing a book about 60 year old women.  He commented on their wise faces, and their beauty.  As he did his work, he asked about the flowers on their heads, having never seen such bathing caps.  I laughed and told him that at one time, these bathing caps were considered both feminine and fashionable.  Then he asked what the book was about.  I said that I was interested in change and its meaning at that time of life.  He asked why I was interested in women this age.  I said I was one.  I suggested that when one’s hard charging days are over or at least somewhat less intense, and one has more time (perhaps) to devote to personal change, it might look different from change at 25 or 40.  Victor worked on the settings on my computer.  A few minutes later he said, “In India, when a married couple reaches the age of 60 they have a celebration with children, grandchildren, friends and the community.  It is essentially another marriage ceremony and signifies the entry into an important new age.”

I love thinking about this.  As Victor told me more about the old traditions around this ceremony, and how contemporary Indians celebrate it, I thought about marking change in some public, official way in my own culture.  I also thought about the recognition that this stage of life is important and significant to Indians, not, as in this country, a time to slink quietly off to the golf course or knitting class.  The changes I have embarked on are, at least in part, because I want to continue to contribute to my community and my world, but in a more focused and meaningful way than I have been able to do with the pressures of active parenting and earning a living.

Victor told me at the end of our call that I had inspired him.  The feeling was mutual.  I so appreciated his reaching out and connecting with me on a personal level.  Even though I couldn’t see him, or he me, I felt we each had made a friend.  Victor’s story of his traditions added significantly to my understanding of what change could be after 60.

When my weight management/lifestyle coach suggested that I institute a reward for exercising every day, I couldn’t think of one that felt like a reward.  All of those things I thought of and some that she suggested (15 minutes of reading, watching the last episode of Mad Men On Demand, buying a new lipstick) were things I’d do anyway.  So what did rewarding myself mean?

 My coach told a story of how, when she began to exercise at the gym, she told herself she couldn’t have a shower that day until after she had exercised.  Is that a reward?  Perhaps.  It may have been more of a reward for those around her than for her (ask me about my stepson’s rank odor after he has ridden his bike for 10 miles).  But there was something about this.  My favorite time of the day is after dinner when the dishes are done and before I watch TV, when I sink into my deep bathtub, filled with lavender scented water that will reach to my shoulders.  I just luxuriate.  I read catalogues or novels or the New York Times Book Review in there.  Sometimes I drop my reading material into the bathwater so some of my books are really ruffled.  But I love this time.  So saying that I can’t take a bath until I exercise is really a non-negotiable for me.  I want my bath, therefore I will exercise. 

 What might your incentive or reward be to do something you should do, that is ultimately good for you, but that might be hard to start?  A movie from Netflix, a massage, a walk in the woods (not a run in the woods–that’s exercise), or a break to listen to your favorite music, maybe it’s cooking or even cleaning.  Whatever pulls you is your incentive. 

I just found this definition of success I want to share with you and think about with you… 

“Success is nothing more than a few simple disciplines, practiced every day; while failure is simply a few errors in judgment, repeated every day.  It is the cumulative weight of our disciplines and our judgments that lead us either to fortune or failure.”  …Jim Rohn (I’ve no idea who Jim is) 

In this time of personal change, I want to acknowledge that, just because I insist on using only positive methods for my change process, change doesn’t happen magically.  It would be so nice if wishing could make change so, or if feeling positive about change would mean I would move naturally to do all of those small things necessary to make big changes happen.  But alas, I have found that I need to keep diligent food records to make sure that I’m not deluding myself as to the number and variety of calories going into my digestive system.  I’ve found that I need to exercise every day.  I’ve found that if I don’t respond to my husband out of my emotions (usually defensive), I have a much more peaceful relationship with him. 

What disciplines do you have that are firmly in place?  Exercise?  Eating right?  Planning your day and working your plan?  Blocking out time for your family?  Good for you.  Think about the many ways in which you have enacted success in your life.  Now, which disciplines would you like to strengthen?  For me one discipline that is now only a haphazard occurrence is keeping my accounts up to date.  For you it might be making time for a sick parent, or working on a project outside of your normal schedule like writing a book or making a movie.  For others it is working consistently on an important project that is part of your work.  Don’t forget to make time for renewal part of your discipline.  Make the commitment to yourself to examine your longings and passions and practice the disciplines that lead to the fulfillment of these passions this week.