Yesterday I visited my regular massage therapist.  Since I met her in a religious community, it probably isn’t odd that we began to talk about adjusting our spiritual or religious practices as we age.  I am seminary educated and believed that I would, at one point in my past, be ordained in a liberal protestant denomination.  I decided against the path of ordination but not against a quest to understand and find a spiritual path of integrity for myself.

Part of what I have found to work for me are the positive processes for change.  Judgment, evaluation, sarcastic fault-finding and fixing haven’t worked for me for many years.  I long to feel connected to a positive “power greater than myself” as 12 Steppers say.  I have not found enough of what I’m looking for.  I have glimpses of it.  I feel awe, particularly at dusk, often fills me with wonder at the beauty and bounty of this world.  Any ocean warm or cold calms my internal fires of anxiety.  The sounds of moving water–creeks, waterfalls, fountains, even the little electronic ones in doctor’s offices–soothe me in a way that is spiritual.

As I think about the changes I want to make, I know that one is to find a spiritual practice and a belief or beliefs that have integrity for me and that feed my soul.  What have you found that works for you?

This survey is foundational for a book project I’m working on with an editor of a major west coast publisher.  It is about change that people over 55 initiate and experience.  My hypothesis is that older people (not OLD people) have more psychic space to think about the way they really want their lives to be, and to create those lives.  The space has been created by losses and changes.  For most, 55, 60, or 65 is a time to think about changing our professional lives to less demanding (but perhaps more satisfying) lives.  It is also a time when children are mostly grown and if they are living at home, they are at least semi-independent.  Relationships may also have changed.  Perhaps there has been a divorce, death, or remarriage.  All of these things contribute to the space that may exist for you now.

If you choose to answer this survey and return it, I will keep your name, geographic location, and any specific identifiers confidential.  I would want the right to use your age and your narrative, as it is relevant to my work.  If you have questions, please feel free to contact me through this website or at slocookin@comcast.net.  Thanks in advance for your participation.

Name:_____________________________

Contact (email and/or phone)__________________________________

Age:________________________________

Marital or partner status____________________________

Any other descriptor that you think would be helpful in describing how you see change at your age (illness, athletic pursuits, eating choices, professional role):__________________________________________________________

1.       If you could make a change in your life without effort or pain, and without causing pain to anyone else, what would that be right now?________________________________________________________________________

2.       How do you approach changes that you want to make, or how did you approach changes that you have made in the last 3-5 years (made a plan, used a coach, just did it, kept a journal, etc.)?________________________________________________________________________

3.       Does thinking about change, or acting on changes that you want, feel different to you now than it did when you were 20, 30, or 40?__________________________________________________________________________

4.        Can you describe the last change you made (changed jobs, quit working full-time, got married, lost weight) and how you went about that change?  Would this process have been different when you were younger?_____________________________________________________________________

5.       If you were in a course about change after 55, or a group of people your own age, what questions would you ask of your peers or wise counselors about how to change now?______________________________________

6.       If you feel like your life finally makes sense, or has always made sense just the way it is, how have you intentionally crafted this life to be this way?_____________________________________________________________

I know that all of my readers are not over 55.  But you all have relatives and friends.  The favor of passing this on is sincerely appreciated–in advance.

______________________________________________________________________

So, I’m getting thinner.  Almost 20 pounds now.  And I’m working–we’re working (my husband and I)–with a relationship coach.  And I’m finding ways to be quiet every day–walking, sitting quietly, messing with my potted gardens on my decks.  In obvious and not so obvious ways, I’m chipping away at both the shell of me, and the essence of me.  I haven’t done anything on this journey that I haven’t wanted to do–that was and is a rule.  No discipline for the sake of discipline.  No dragging myself into actions I have no interest in performing.  Only actions I want to try, to repeat and to continue.

Still, this journey has had its ups and downs.  The relationship work has been particularly challenging.  What changes are you making and what surprises have you found along the way?  Where are your biggest challenges and how have you managed them?  I want and welcome all the help I can get!