Rule 5 for Flourishing: Expect pleasure. It counteracts negative emotions.

I’m going to tell a story on myself.  It is a bad example of this rule.  My birthday is next week.  For the last few years I have visited my mother and brother on the Eastern Shore of Maryland over my birthday week. My husband does not celebrate my birthday and I like the attention I get from my mom and brother. I had decided this year that I had traveled too much and would stay home in California.  My mom called and said she had already talked with my husband and everything was set for us to come for my birthday.  OK, I said.  If he’s game, I”m game (as it turns out he isn’t).

The reason my mom said she wanted us to come, aside from my birthday, was that she had something she wanted to speak to all three of her children about and didn’t want to do that on the phone, only face to face.  So, my brothers and I began speculating.  We Skyped and emailed and phoned.  Some of our guesses were silly (mom’s in love–at 92).  Some were serious (money redistribution).  And some were scary (end of life issues).  I spoke with my youngest daughter about these by phone during this week and she was sad.  She told her father about the most dire possibilities, and he immediately called my mother.

I am not married to this man and have not been for 32 years.  Yet he and my mom have a mutual fan club.  My brother emailed me and asked for his address (which I do not have but could easily get) and I went on a rampage.  I called my youngest daughter and gave her a loud, angry piece of my mind for telling her father.

As soon as I got off of the phone I felt badly.  I emailed her to apologize.  I emailed my brothers to let them know that my first husband knew about our speculations.  They didn’t care.  I’ve emailed and called my daughter with more apologies.  She won’t answer.

Here’s the deal.  I wish my mom and my first husband weren’t quite so cozy.  I used to fume about this more regularly.  I thought I’d accepted it.  My blast at my daughter clearly indicates that I have not.  But giving in to those negative emotions only made me feel awful.  I wish I’d gone for a walk instead.